Sunday, 10 April 2016

How to Replicate the American Psycho Skincare Routine

So recently, I watched the psychological thriller, American Psycho. Apart from being completely disturbed, there are moments of the film that are actually comical, in an absurd, unsettling sort of way. Patrick Bateman's opening scene is one of them, where Bateman discusses his lengthy morning routine which involves a very elaborate skincare regimen. So, just in case you're a little crazy and want to be just as a diligent and precise as Mr Bateman, here's how you too can replicate this routine.... The products I mention are either those that I have or would/ want to use in the future.

You can watch the video here:

In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now.
Let's skip the crunches - the cooling mask is actually a good idea if you have a puffy face in the morning, and want to reduce the swelling.
TheraPearl Eye-ssential Mask, Reusable Hot Cold Therapy Eye Mask
Facial Ice Pack

After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion.
I usually use a light cleanser in the mornings, but make sure it's not too stripping - deep pore cleaning
goPure Natural Facial Cleanser for Acne, Blemishes and Anti-Wrinkle - natural skincare
Boscia Detoxifying Black Cleanser - gel cleanser that has charcoal and brightening ingredients, not stripping.
ClaREN ClearCalm 3 Clarifyingy Cleanser - gentle anti-bacterial clay cleanser formulated to combat acne.

In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub,
Cussons Imperial Leather Body Wash - is what I use, it leaves skin moisturised and 'no. 37 - Flirtatious' smells like roses,
Tom Ford Neroli Portofino Shower Gel - here's something for men, and something Bateman would have probably used...
L’Occitane Almond Shower Scrub

and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub.
Unless you wake up with dry, flakey skin and want a quick fix, using an exfoliating product in the morning is overkill. I also don't think you need a scrub when, you can use a gel exfoliant. Using an exfoliant at night, or once in a while is a better option.
Cure Natural Aqua Gel - natural skincare, best selling in Japan
boscia Exfoliating Peel Gel - a peeling gel, just in case you wanted to re-create the famous scene.

Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine.
Queen Helene Mint Julep Facial Masque  - this sounds like the closest to what's described, but it is a clay mask, so it would work better at night.
Dr Hauschka Soothing Mask - a soothing mask without clay.
ArtNaturals Aloe Vera Gel - aloe vera alone is great to soothe skin and calm redness

I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older.
Using skincare without alcohol is actually a good tip. Here are a few alternatives to aftershave.
Aloe Vera Gel - soothes and moisturises skin, also has great healing and anti-bacterial properties.
Jojoba Oil - the closest oil to our own natural sebum.

Then moisturiser,
CeraVe Moisturizing Lotion - affordable and gets great reviews
Olay Total Effects Anti-Aging Daily Moisturizer - and here's an additional $1.50 discount
Thursday Plantation Replenishing Moisturiser - what I've been using lately

then an anti-ageing eye balm
Burt's Bees Intense Hydration Eye Cream - here's an additional 15% discount on Burt's Bees.
Avocado Oil - what I occasionally use. Certified Organic.

followed by a final moisturising protective lotion
I'm going to take this to mean sunscreen - it wasn't though, but it should be.
Natural Instinct Invisible Natural Sunscreen - physical sunscreen, with more natural ingredients (Australian)
La Roche Posay CICAPLAST BAUME B5 - multi-purpose/soothing/repairing balm

If we all followed a routine exactly like this every morning, I think it would be fair to say that our face would eventually fall off. Some steps are better for the evening, like the first cleanser, and exfoliating gel. Bateman also seems to be obsessed with his pores, but ultimately his routine reflects the routine of someone who hasn't really researched the skincare products, and just buys the latest, or most popular product at the time. The products I've suggested are more gentle or natural, and will be reviewed in future posts so stay tuned!

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